Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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