dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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