foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
