none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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