He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
