Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize