I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
