guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize