Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
