that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
