Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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