I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't deserve a penis
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
