Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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