in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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