I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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