Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
