Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
