Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
