I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
