its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
