when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
