Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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