I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
