I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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