clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
