you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
