some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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