If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
