pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So much rum. So many feels.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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