butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
