i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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