I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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