There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize