so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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