and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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