So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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