You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
