How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
worst night to have a conscience
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
