dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
