its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize