I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize