Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
