dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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