Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
