i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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