do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
