I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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