Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
