I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
NoShamevember. You game?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
