just tell him i said nine months
Four minutes until I can fart!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
