There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
