just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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