So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
