Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
