we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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