I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
