the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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