He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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