So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Its about making memories worth repressing
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize