Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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