Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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