reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
