Can Purell be used as lube?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
