I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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