real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
