One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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