Im at strip club and am horny
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
