Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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