Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
