I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
