i just sent this text using only my big toe
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
